13 Surefire Ways to Kill A Vampire

So, you want to be a vampire hunter and you think it's just as easy as jamming a stake into the undead's heart while he's snoozing in his coffin. Think again. There's more than one way to stop the undead from rising again, and here are thirteen of them.

1. We have to start out with the obvious: A wooden stake through the heart. Nothing stops a vampire faster!
2. If you can't get close enough to do that, you can burn it. Just set up a little trap that will burst into flames once the vampire steps on it.
3. Say you don't have any stakes or a lighter, then another option is to bury the corpse face down. Vampires don't know up from down, right?
4. And if you do get a vampire smart enough to know that, the fix is easy: piles stones on the grave. Make it so heavy the vampire can't escape its coffin!
5. But you don't have enough stones. All you have is a garden, well, do you have some poppy seeds or wild roses? Put those on the grave. Vampires hate them because poppy seeds get stuck in their fangs and they don't like to smell the flowers.
6. What if you don't have somewhere you can bury a vampire and do any of the above? Fear not, get a pot and throw its head in vinegar. Just make sure to keep the windows open because that is going to smell!
7. If you're looking for something less smelly, you can also put a coin in the vampire's mouth, and while it's distracted by the oddity of someone shoving a coin in its mouth, you can lop it's head off.
   
8. Of course, chopping off heads can be messy, so if you want to avoid that, try putting a lemon in the vampire's mouth. The sour taste will stop it in its tracks!
9. If you find a dead body in your travels and you worry they might rise as a vampire, fear not! You can bury them at a crossroads. Vampires hate having to choose which way to go.
10. Another classic way to kill a vampire is to remove the heart and cut it in two. Literally break the bloodsucker's heart!
    
11. This one is along the lines of other methods where by placing the garlic in the vampire's mouth confuses it long enough for you to drive a nail through its temple and end its miserable "life".
    
12. You can also cut off the toes, and while the vampire is flailing for balance, because we use our toes for that, you can drive a nail through it's neck.
    
13. And lastly, if all else fails, get some boiling oil and pour it over the body, then grab a hammer and nail and drive the nail through the navel The vampire won't know what hit it!

And now you know how to slay a vampire. You have officially graduated from Patricia's Vampire Slayer Academy.**

**Disclaimer: Patricia is not responsible for any student's injury or bloody death. She makes no claims to the effectiveness of the above as she found this on the internet and figures if it's on the internet that means you can trust it as true. Hunt vampires at your discretion.